


Baby Mine

by jakia



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-02
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 14:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakia/pseuds/jakia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt pulls his phone out from under the covers.  “I’ll text her then, see if she’s free this afternoon.  We can buy her lunch, and then ask if we can fertilize her eggs.  It will be the most heterosexual date we’ve ever been on.” / Adult!Klaine discusses adoption, surrogacy, and family, and what that means for them. Fluff, mostly. No spoilers for anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a 200 word drabble oops went did it get to be over 2000? That keeps happening to me. >.

_11 AM, Anderson-Hummel House, Greenwood Heights, Brooklyn, NY_

"Here's what's not fair about it," Kurt says, naked and sweaty and not willing to stop arguing, even post-sex.  Blaine groans into his pillow.  "If we were straight, and you were a girl, we could be pregnant  _right now_."

" _Kurt._ " Blaine protests feebly, his face red in contrast with the white sheets.

"I'm serious," Kurt argues.  "We’ve had sex.  _Multiple_  times.  No condoms.  No birth control. We'd be baby central.  Fuck, we'd be babied out.  We'd have to  _stop having sex_  we'd have so many kids."

Blaine sits up, a little more amused now.  "You do realize unprotected sex does not guarantee a baby, right?  Even if we were straight and one of us was a girl, that doesn't mean we'd get pregnant."

"But it'd be  _easier."_   Kurt lies back down, wrapping his arms around Blaine's back. "Even if we couldn't get pregnant, we could  _adopt,_  and no one would tell us no."

Blaine wraps Kurt's arms around him, leaning against Kurt's chest.  "Baby..."

"Even if we were  _both_  girls, it'd be easier than this.  All we'd have to do would be to get Finn to jizz in a cup and buy a new turkey baster, and you could be pregnant by the end of the week!"

"Okay, first off--really?  _Finn_  is your baby daddy of choice if we were both lesbians? You wouldn't even pick Mike, or Sam, or some cute stranger? You'd pick  _Finn?_ " Blaine sticks his tongue out childishly.  He loves his brother-in-law, don't get him wrong, but on the list of hypothetical potential baby daddies he would not be the first pick.  "Secondly, stop suggesting I get pregnant.  I'm not a girl."

"You're  _my_  girl." Kurt bites his ear lovingly. "And my man."  Kurt nuzzles the back of his neck, pressing little kisses against Blaine's collar, letting his hand trail down and  _oh._   Yeah, that's okay.  That's  _very_  okay.

"Besides," Kurt argues, pressing kisses into Blaine's dark curls.  "Rachel volunteered."

"I thought we wanted to adopt."

"We do want to adopt!" Kurt frowns, pulling away from his husband slowly.  "Blaine, I want to adopt a baby with you more than  _anything._   But the fact remains that we've got several rejection letters sitting on your desk right now, and that doesn't look to be changing any time soon.  Who knew New York was still so homophobic?"

"I don't know if it's homophobia." Blaine muses, pressing little kisses to the inside of Kurt's wrist, right underneath his tattoo ( _courage)_.  "I mean, I'm currently unemployed.  And you're an actor.  A  _great_  actor, who makes good money, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't exactly scream stable career choice.  If I worked at an adoption agency, I don't know if I'd give us a baby, either."

"But that's not  _fair_." Kurt whines.  "Do you know how often straight people have babies? Babies they can't afford, babies they don't  _want,_  babies they are too young to raise? And yet no one sends  _them_  a letter telling them they aren't fit to be parents." Kurt pressed a sharp kiss to Blaine's shoulder.  "And we are  _not_  too poor to raise a baby.  We have a  _house_  with a  _yard_  in New York City.   _Tell me_  we couldn't provide for a kid."

Blaine looks at him, mostly amused.  "You know the only reason we can afford this house is because I inherited money from my grandmother when she died.  And, you know, someone was killed here, so we got it hella cheap.” Kurt watches, amused, as Blaine lifts the bed sheet and swishes it in the air, making creepy ghost noises.  "And not a single ghost sighting yet.  I am so disappointed."

"It's the color scheme.  If we hadn't painted the hallway we'd see ghosts all the time.  I know I'd haunt the shit out of this place if it was still that ugly green color.  Good lord.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was  _puke green_ , Blaine.  Baby puke green.” Kurt falls back down onto the bed, groaning into his pillow.  “Not that we’d know, of course, seeing as we don’t have a baby.”

Blaine kisses his stomach.  “Baby…”

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I’m just—I’m so  _tired_ , Blaine.  I’m twenty-seven.  I have a job, a husband, a house, a dog, and a cat.  I am living the dream, and the  _only_  thing I want right now is a baby, and I keep getting told  _no_.”

Blaine nuzzles his stomach.  “But Rachel volunteered.”

He runs his hand through Blaine’s curls.  “Rachel offered us her womb, yes.”

“Even though we’d prefer to adopt.”

“We would prefer to adopt.  But surrogacy is looking nicer and nicer every day.”  He reaches over to the nightstand and grabs his phone.  “Want to hear my pro/con list?”

“You made a — of course you did.” Blaine laughs, sitting up so he can read over his husband’s shoulder.  “Alright, lay it on me.”

“Pro: Rachel is a smart, talented, beautiful woman, and we should be so lucky as to raise her child as our own.

Con: Rachel is crazy.” Blaine laughs at that.

“Pro: Crazy is not genetic.  Con: What if it is? Pro: Even if our child  _is_  crazy, at least it’s a brand of crazy I am highly familiar with and also professionally trained to deal with.”

“You’re so  _mean_.” Blaine laughs, kissing Kurt’s shoulder.

“Shh, I’m not finished. Pro: Even if Rachel went crazy and refused to give us the baby after it’s born, we could sue for custody because one of us would biologically be the baby’s father.  Pro: I trust Rachel enough that I feel she would never do that to us.”  He feels Blaine nod against his shoulder.  “Con: We might end up with a mini-Rachel.  Pro: I know Rachel’s family and medical history. Pro: Rachel has no outstanding warrants and/or a criminal record.  
  
Pro: Rachel will never feel like she has abandoned her child, because she knows us and can come see it whenever she wants.  It’s not like we weren’t already going to invite her over every birthday and holiday and major event in our child’s life anyway, what’s the difference?

Con: What if we ruin her and she never makes it to Broadway because no one wants to hire an actress with stretch marks?”

Blaine rolls his eyes.  “You’re being a little ridiculous.”

“No, I’m not.” Kurt shakes his head.  “She’s done a few Broadways shows, but always in smaller roles.  What if we ruin her and she never gets the lead? I would never forgive myself.”

“That,” Blaine argues, kissing his cheek.  “Is Rachel’s business, and her own decision, not ours. You’d have to talk to her about that.  Keep going.”

“Alright.  These next few are important, so pay attention.  Pro: Between the three of us, we’d have one hell of a fabulous kid.  Con: Between the three of us, our kid will be  _such_  a diva.  And the last one—are you ready for this? It’s the most important.”

Blaine snuggles up against him.  “Lay it on me.”

Kurt kisses the top of his head.  “Pro: It will be  _our_  baby.  It will have your eyes, or my hair.  Your lips, or my ears.  Or maybe it will look exactly like Rachel, but its mannerisms will be just like yours.  Maybe it will look just like you, but with Rachel’s nose.  Maybe the baby will have freckles they’ll hate like I do, or maybe they’ll be blessed with your olive complexion.  I know we can’t—“ He sucks in his breath.  “I know we can’t have both, we can’t be like straight couples who get the best of both worlds, a baby with my eyes and your hair, a little mini- _us_.  But this? This is the closest we can get to that.  And I  _want_  that, Blaine.  I don’t—I don’t even  _care_  which of us is the biologically father, because if it’s a little me then that’s fine, that’s  _great_ , but if it’s a little you? God, that would be even better.”

Blaine is crying, but that’s not really surprising.  Blaine cries at everything.  He smiles though, through his tears.  “And when we bring a little Rachel into the world?”

“Then fuck it, it will be  _our_  little Rachel,  _our_  baby.  And that’s all I really want, Blaine.”  Kurt leans over and kisses his forehead again.  “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Blaine wipes his eyes with the bedsheet.  “You just—you made a very good argument there, sir.”

Kurt kisses him slowly.

“I want a baby.” Blaine confesses, like they haven’t just spent all this time discussing it.  “I really, really do.  I wanted to adopt because there are so many kids already in this world who don’t have families that we could take care of, but that keeps looking like it’s not going to happen, and I just—I’m so  _ready._   We’re ready.  Part of why I’ve been putting off finding another job is because a, no one is hiring because our economy sucks, but also because I keep hoping that a baby will just fall into our laps so I can stay home and look after it.”

Kurt looks over at him, curiously.  “You want to be a stay at home dad?”

Blaine sort of shrugs.  “I guess?  I mean, not permanently.  I miss teaching too much to give it up for good.  But while our kids are still little and if we can afford it? Yeah, I’d like that, more than anything.”

“ _Kid_ , singular, unfortunately.  I’d like more than one, too, but I don’t really think that’s very fair to ask of Rachel.  She has her own life, you know, she can’t just be a baby-making factory for us.  Unless we ended up with twins or something.  Oooh, that’d be fun.”   He pulls Blaine closer into his arms, so that Blaine’s head rests upon his chest.  “And I think we’d be able to afford it, if you wanted to stay home for a couple of years.  Money would be a little tight, but not unreasonably so.  Probably still cheaper than daycare, actually.”

“Maybe I could do something part-time?” Blaine wonders aloud.  “Substitute on Mondays and Wednesdays when you’re off, so you can have a couple of days to stay home with the baby, too?”

“I’d like that.” Kurt muses, kissing Blaine softly.  “We’re really doing this, then? We’re having a baby.  Should we call Rachel? Get dressed, go buy a new turkey baster? Give each other handjobs, mix it together and stick it in the fridge? Does sperm work better if it’s cold? I need to google that.  Shit, should we sleep on this first?  It’s sort of a big decision.”  Kurt grins.  “But I’m really excited about it.”

“I think we should talk to Rachel before we do anything.  I know she volunteered, but we need to make sure she really wants to do this.”

Kurt squeezes his hand.  “She does, Blaine.  She wouldn’t have offered if she didn’t.”

“I know that.  I also know its one thing to offer to do something, and another thing to actually  _do_  it.  Especially since it will take nine months out of her life.”

Kurt pulls his phone out from under the covers.  “I’ll text her then, see if she’s free this afternoon.  We can buy her lunch, and then ask if we can fertilize her eggs.  It will be the most heterosexual date we’ve ever been on.”

Blaine hits him lightly with a pillow as Kurt rolls off the bed in search of pants.  “Oh, wait, I forgot—you actually  _have_  dated Rachel in the past.  Maybe it won’t be the most heterosexual date of your life.”

“I don’t know about that,” Blaine stretches, amused.  “We dressed up like the characters from  _Love Story_  and took turns mouthing the dialogue.  That’s pretty gay.  I’m pretty sure asking to impregnate someone is straighter, though.”

Kurt laughs, buttoning up his favorite jeans as his phone beeps with one new message from one Miss Rachel Berry.  “1 o’clock at the Chinese place sound good to you?”

“Yeah, that sounds fine.  Hey, come over here for a second.”

“What? Blaine, I’ve got to get ready—“

“I know. This will only take a minute.”  Blaine pulls him into his arms, pressing a light kiss against the freckles on Kurt’s chest.  “If we do this whole surrogacy thing with Rachel, then I want you to be the biological father.”

“What? No.  Absolutely not.  We do this fifty-fifty.” Kurt pulls away softly.  “Why would you say that?”

Blaine sighs before pulling on Kurt’s hand, holding it close to his heart.  “Will you listen to me for just a second before you start arguing?”

“Okay,  _fine._   What’s your plan, sir? Why do you want me to be the baby daddy?”

“Well, for one,” Blaine lifts his hands and kisses them gently.  “I love  _you_ , so having  _more_  of you out in this world can only ever be a good thing.”

Kurt softens.  “Honey, I feel the same about  _you_ —“

“Shh, I’m not finished.” Blaine kisses his hands with well-practiced ease, tracing his lips over the smooth skin of his palms.  “Second reason is that I love you so,  _so_ much.  And for a long time, I hated myself--”

“Baby—“

“—And I hated my family, but I have never,  _never_  hated yours.  So if our baby comes out and it’s actually a little Burt Hummel, I will be overjoyed.”

“That is terrifying.”

“But if it looks like  _my_  dad?  Or acts like him?  Kurt, that would  _break my heart._ ”

Kurt purses his lips.  “That is—an  _interesting_  argument, Mr. Anderson-Hummel, but I’m not sure—“

Blaine interrupts him. “Third reason, and this one is far more shallow, is that Rachel and I sort of look alike.  We’re both short, we both have dark hair, we both have dark eyes—“

“Yours are more golden, though—“

“—and if  _you_  were the father, then it’d be easier to pretend, you know? Because it would sort of look like both of us.  And if we are going to surrogate route with a baby that is genetically ours, then that’s what I want.  I want a baby that looks like us—or at least is statistically  _probable_  to look like us, because genetics are random and  _weird_ , our baby could be  _blonde_  and it would still be ours and—“

Kurt laughs.  “Honey, you are rambling again.  It’ll be okay.” He leans forward and kisses him, capturing Blaine’s smile with his own.  “I’ll think about it, okay?  I mean, we’re kind of jumping ahead of the game, here. Nothing is set in stone.”

Blaine raises an eyebrow.  “But you’ll think about it?”

“I will.” Kurt kisses him one last time.  “Come on, get dressed—we need to go buy Rachel lunch.”

* * *

 

In ten months, Elizabeth Marie Anderson-Hummel will be born.  She’ll have porcelain skin and her father’s unusual cerulean eyes.  She’ll have a head full of dark hair, and Rachel Berry’s nose.  Blaine will put the largest, most ridiculous bows he can find in her hair, and when she grows up people will say she has the best manners of any young lady they’ve ever met.

She’ll curtsey, then, and say “Thank you.  My father taught me that.”

* * *

 

END


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